It’s funny what leaving does to you.

I feel this sudden need to do everything I’ve always wanted to do at one go as though there isn’t time left for anything. I spend days pondering how different things would be over there, worry that there wouldn’t be my favourite soya beancurd or chilli crab. I'm about to run out for that bee cheng hiang ba gua, because I know that is going to be one of the things I would miss most this Lunar New Year. Splurge on Christmas gifts this year because I'm missing so many birthdays next year. Make time for the people I’ve almost never met in like a hundred years because suddenly, there’s this irrational urge to go meet up and reminisce about old times or something.

It’s less than 2 weeks, I think.
And suddenly, I have this profound appreciation for everything around me. I need to be home more, my mom says she doesn't even see me anymore. Just last week, I would name a random craving and the next day when I'm home, whatever I had said I was craving for would be sitting on the desk in my room, courtesy of mom. This week, I feel so distant to everything I think I am almost convinced I'll be okay in Buffalo on my own without good chicken rice and satay and koi cafe and mom's feel-good hugs for half a year.

...

I haven’t packed at all.
I had a dream the other day I forgot to pack my luggage and no one reminded me until I was leaving for the airport and so I left with only the clothes on my back and a half-empty suitcase with hardly anything in it. Might be a little bit early to start freaking out but then you know how I am such a last-minute person and I tend to be very forgetful in times like these.



I'll take care of you,
Have faith that when you call my name;
I'll be there.
And I'll be right there.