Release Me

And it comes full circle.

I would lay in bed, falling asleep and in that familiar half-unconscious state of drifting away, I would feel a need to blog. Of course, by then, I would be too drowsy to get up and switch on the laptop.

My days have all been blended recently.
I can't tell which day it is, and the days of my week are determined by the shows on TV or by the plans I have that day. I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing. I'm going to decide that's a good thing anyway, because it also means I might be too busy to over-think and worry too much. I'm having fun. Yes, I am.

And I know exactly what to fill my days with (on to making lists) and just, well, being absolutely self-indulgent feels awesome in such a long while. No, not the Ben and Jerry's ice cream kind, it's the True Blood kind (:

Oh, I sure have a lot on my mind these days. At times, a little more than I can handle and I do remember back when blogging used to be a solace for me to get over what I have on my mind that's troubling and out. I do think that, as time passes and we all mature, it's all about getting used to not having so much to tell, to learn to be a little more reserved, and in some sort of way, actually having my own piece of cake and eat it too.

No more than now when I truly crave simplicity in life's matters, that you realise a simple wish like this is just too difficult to accomplish today. I want badly to see things as they are, but sometimes what we want clouds our vision and what we feel so strongly about overthrows everything else. Is it wrong, then, to fight for the very things that would make us happy? Even when it would leave others lying around grieving in the mess we left behind? And selflessness, that's where you come in!

Most days, I want nothing more than to be contented with the people around me and the things I have. But sometimes, doing it is truly harder than it seems. When it is the people you love that can hurt you the most, you become jaded in a twisted way. And I don't want to see the person it can make me become.

i heard the old man say we need the rain,
and i can feel it in my bones they're aching.
i watched the sky and wait and wish these waters ease my pain,
because my will is breaking.

if you'd get next to me and help me find simplicity;
then you could be the one to take me, to break me,
and flood my soul.